Open Letter

Today, I had a nightmare, but this time you didn’t hear when I called for you.
Then, I think I need to solve this on my own.
I would like to tell you that every day it’s still weird not to have you in my life; actually, I would like to tell you a lot of things, but, apparently, we don’t talk anymore… I write this letter because I struggling to move forward. I did what I had to do, but it was the hardest decision that I made in my entire life.
I need to confess that when I try to bring your face to memory it’s not crisp anymore, sometimes it feels like you’re fading… but I still can feel you in a high intensity, you know?
I even don’t know how I can explain this, but I feel you in every pore of my body. It looks like we’re still bonded in some way.
But I don’t know how you really are and if you’ve moved forward. Although all, I can feel you’re not so well. And my biggest pain is that I can’t do anything about it. I just pray and I really hope that you keep taking care of yourself and don’t give up on your healing process.
Sometimes I wonder if one day you’ll let your heart overflow again, like that day when we sing together in the car: “for what is a man, what has he got, if not himself, then he has not to say the things he truly feels.”
I used to be alone and knew how to handle it, but since I had you it’s so much harder. To be completely honest, sometimes the tears are inevitable, like the other day, when I heard that song about “love and faith”.
Or even now, when I think how grateful I am to have met you. When you came into my life, for the first time, I finally understood. And I also felt the biggest pain that love can cause. You gave me your best and also the worst. And then, you left me. All by myself.
But your arms made me feel “at home”. And not everyone has this lucky to have lived a soul connection in this life.